To the Hackers of my Twitter Account

Hello, hackers of the World Wide Web.

I have been tolerant. I have been amused and I admit, occasionally, I have been supportive (WOO Habbo Invasion). However, when you mess with my Twitter account and post BORING spam (you could at least have been amusing), I find myself unbearably uncompromising and unforgiving.

Love,
Nabs

Day 6

As the hours turn into days, so my hope turns into bitterness.

I used to have the ability of not caring. I miss that power.

HBP was mediocre.

I hate feel good movies. I just sat through Ghost of Girlfriends Past, and like I told Shak, yes I do love chick flicks, but the truth is... I hate the feeling I get after the movie ends (and why the fuck is Firefox putting a red line under movie? It's i before e, except after c, morons). It's like reading fairy tales, the whole and they lived happily ever after thing. I know, I know, everyone who knows me knows that I'm a sucker for romance novels, Disney princess films, fairy tales, chick flicks and all that feel good stuff.

But here's the truth, friends:

I hate them.

I hate the feeling of wanting more, of needing more, of emptiness that I get at the end of the story. So these characters supposedly get their happy ending, but what about the audience? What about us single girls watching these films and reading these books who turn to their side, wishing we had somebody to hold hands with and say:

"I love you..."

I hate love.

Now I'm going to angst on my own and read the scene where Dumbledore dies. Again.

Huh.

So I revamped my blog to enhance my Sarawakian nature. Don't you think the layout is so pretty?!

Anyway, have been having horrible luck with passwords and the internet over the past few days. Went to Aunty Lalita's last night (got there around 2 am) and tried waking Naeem to get the password. He had a fever, so I accidentally woke Aunty Lalita instead. She couldn't remember the password, tried putting it in but I just couldn't access. Today, I'm at Shak's house and he couldn't remember the password either. Uncle Pendi just got home and YAY here I am!

Don't really have anything to share today... besides the fact that I am now more determined than ever to start my own life. I had a plan: Get my own place once I've moved back to Malaysia, get a job, get a car and start my life.

Unfortunately, the Asian culture disagrees with me.

I doubt my father will even entertain the idea of me moving into my own place until I've got a steady job and income. Until then... here I am in my state of forced dependence. The 'rents know to moan at the fact that I am too dependent on them, but when I try to make my own way, try to make at least some moves into starting my own life, they pull out the guilt card (You'll regret saying you want to move out when we're dead!) and play me out to be the ungrateful child.

I'm sorry you gave me a Western education.

I'm sorry my values are distorted.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

The angel on the stairs, will tell you I was there.

You know how the great minds are so often unappreciated during their lifetimes? I'm not saying that I'm one of the great minds... I'm just saying that people so often don't appreciate what they have, who they have, when they have them. The moment the thing, the person, is gone, they notice this great, gaping... hole in their lives where this presence was before and they wish they had taken more care with it, given it more attention, loved it more.

But it's gone.

They're gone.

And in the end, all you're left with are broken promises and empty regrets.

I'm tired. I'm so tired... I won't be around much longer. This constant uphill journey has worn me out, wrung out the good and the bad. I don't regret it, not all of it anyway, it's taught me much about life, about myself... I'll be stronger for it, but right now I'm weakened and can't go on for very much longer.

Just let me go.

I can't sleep

I hate that I did everything I could to wear myself out yesterday so that I could fall asleep early, only to have it not work. I washed three cars, drove around with my siblings, did the grocery shopping, went out for dinner, walked... only to have it all go to waste while I laid in bed, just surfing the internet.

It's not that I was on the internet and let time pass me by. I wish. It's just that, I'm ashamed to admit... I find that I am now unable to sleep on my own. I find I can't fall asleep unless I'm crammed in a bed with other people. I've got this huge space which I remember wishing for when I was staying alone in England in my tiny single bed... the air conditioning is set just nicely, there are no weird smells and my sheets are freshly laundered, my pillows are just the right amount of fluffy.

But I can't sleep.

I need a glass of water. The sun just came up and I'm going to run downstairs, get a tall glass of water, down it and run back upstairs. Have a wee, and hopefully... hopefully I'll pass out as soon as I get back in bed. Sleeplessness sucks.