You know when you wake up with Meredith Grey's voice reading the morning soliloquy in your head that it's going to be one hell of a dark and twisty day. It's as if you just know you're going to be performing hardcore metaphoric surgery on your life... and slap my ass and call me Sally if you don't bump into a tumor or two along the way.
Why is it that you can have a great day, go to sleep, wake up... have ONE thought and suddenly the whole day just seems like too much to handle?
The fear of failure, the fear of pain, or of hardships... it is sometimes so strong against the weakened optimism of certain people that it's enough to not only send you to your knees, but actually keep you lying in bed in your PJs all day.
What is this unreasonable depression? There is no reason behind it. There's no trigger. It's just... hormones.
So we do what society expects us to do: get out of bed, make that cup of joe (which has NO magical cheering properties whatsoever, believe me), take a shower and put your game face on. You put off that fear until the end of the day where you can dissect it in the privacy of your own bed and tell yourself it was all unfounded.
Thursday 17 June 2010
Tuesday 8 June 2010
Tell Me Your Troubles
It is a well known fact (feel free to contest me on this as I am clearly not bothered with actual research) that as women spend an increasing amount of time with each other, their monthly cycles begin to align.
There is also the thing called the Break-up Season.
Oh, you know the one: You hear that a friend of yours just broke up with their long-term boyfriend, and then you're told that your cousin and his girlfriend have called it quits as well, then your barista puts far too much milk in your coffee and she starts crying about her failed relationship when you confront her over the counter, etc.
So what happens when you're in a healthy, perfectly imperfect relationship during this season?
Are you supposed to hide your happiness when certain people are present? Do you fake indifference? Have you ever felt the need to create drama within your own relationship simply to fit in? HAHA that last one was a joke, obviously. No seriously, there can't possibly be anybody crazy enough or depraved enough to do that.
I can't give a definite answer to those questions. It depends on your friends, obviously, if they're real friends of yours they wouldn't give a damn if you were glowing with love as long as your shoulder is a freehold lease for their tears when and where they need it. That's my take on things, anyway.
Here's a quote from a fellow blogger for those friends in troubled situations:
"Don't waste time obsessing over someone who gives you nothing in return. If this is what you're experiencing, look at yourself. You're tapping into deep routed issues/patterns of behaviour that run deep in you. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Don't waste any more of your time. Fix yourself so you don't keep letting the wrong people affect you in the worst way!"
There is also the thing called the Break-up Season.
Oh, you know the one: You hear that a friend of yours just broke up with their long-term boyfriend, and then you're told that your cousin and his girlfriend have called it quits as well, then your barista puts far too much milk in your coffee and she starts crying about her failed relationship when you confront her over the counter, etc.
So what happens when you're in a healthy, perfectly imperfect relationship during this season?
Are you supposed to hide your happiness when certain people are present? Do you fake indifference? Have you ever felt the need to create drama within your own relationship simply to fit in? HAHA that last one was a joke, obviously. No seriously, there can't possibly be anybody crazy enough or depraved enough to do that.
I can't give a definite answer to those questions. It depends on your friends, obviously, if they're real friends of yours they wouldn't give a damn if you were glowing with love as long as your shoulder is a freehold lease for their tears when and where they need it. That's my take on things, anyway.
Here's a quote from a fellow blogger for those friends in troubled situations:
"Don't waste time obsessing over someone who gives you nothing in return. If this is what you're experiencing, look at yourself. You're tapping into deep routed issues/patterns of behaviour that run deep in you. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Don't waste any more of your time. Fix yourself so you don't keep letting the wrong people affect you in the worst way!"
- Alexi Wasser.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Tuesday 20 April 2010
Co-dependance?
Since when did my happiness depend on a smile bestowed by one so ready to hand them around? Here's what's worse: since when has my sadness been triggered by a frowning look?
A stern glance given not even in my direction, but to those around me. A disapproving, secretive and unbearably suspicious look.
Is that all it takes?
What the hell is wrong with me? Did I learn absolutely nothing? Am I so inherently incapable of getting a fucking hint and learning a damned lesson?
I assumed I was intelligent. I suppose that old adage is true after all: ass/u/me.
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis
Monday 19 April 2010
The Evolution Process
Am I as highly evolved as I like to believe?
When I walk down the street in my high heels, carrying a biodegradable cup of free trade coffee while furiously tapping away at the keys of my Blackberry, filled with a feeling of self-satisfaction for being SO wonderfully developed (at least more so than most of the masses)... what happens when I cross The Ex?
Here's what happens:
I drop the coffee, utter a swear word, duck behind my shades and that conveniently placed rack of postcards featuring scenes of our country undoubtedly shot by an amateur hand and pretend I don't exist.
I'm not saying that's what I did, simply what I believe I would do if I did find myself in that horribly embarrassing situation. You know the one... where The Ex looks normal and happily settled in with The Next.
A huge part of me wishes that I could casually look up from my trusted Mona (the Crackberry - YES, I named her), smile sagely and say hello before walking straight on. Hopefully in the direction of My Next, who would obviously look quite dashing as he usually does and more than eager to see me.
What was it Gwen Stefani - the Dalai Lama of Generation Y - sang? Something about you calling me by my new last name and us having friendly coffee with your new girlfriend?
I can say this though, I am definitely on board for that coffee... so long as I moved on first.
Take that, evolution... it's called a compromise. Live with it.
When I walk down the street in my high heels, carrying a biodegradable cup of free trade coffee while furiously tapping away at the keys of my Blackberry, filled with a feeling of self-satisfaction for being SO wonderfully developed (at least more so than most of the masses)... what happens when I cross The Ex?
Here's what happens:
I drop the coffee, utter a swear word, duck behind my shades and that conveniently placed rack of postcards featuring scenes of our country undoubtedly shot by an amateur hand and pretend I don't exist.
I'm not saying that's what I did, simply what I believe I would do if I did find myself in that horribly embarrassing situation. You know the one... where The Ex looks normal and happily settled in with The Next.
A huge part of me wishes that I could casually look up from my trusted Mona (the Crackberry - YES, I named her), smile sagely and say hello before walking straight on. Hopefully in the direction of My Next, who would obviously look quite dashing as he usually does and more than eager to see me.
What was it Gwen Stefani - the Dalai Lama of Generation Y - sang? Something about you calling me by my new last name and us having friendly coffee with your new girlfriend?
I can say this though, I am definitely on board for that coffee... so long as I moved on first.
Take that, evolution... it's called a compromise. Live with it.
Sunday 18 April 2010
What Comes Before
People come and go. As they walk through the revolving doors of your life and consciousness, they tend to drop an article, say things to you and/or alter the reality of your realm in minor or major ways. Every person who crosses your line of fate affects the path of your life.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
There is a reason why I spilt my milk this morning, but like the butterfly flapping it's wings in China, I'll only experience the repercussions of that act later. Maybe.
And so it is with this belief that I hold no resentment for Those Who Came Before. Had this person not been with one such as she, he might not have developed into this person whom I know today. In that same way, I suppose I was the One Before The One in my last relationship. I don't hold any grudges. Am I sad that it ended? I was.
Now? I believe that it wasn't meant to be and neither of us would have wanted to hold on to it for much longer. We had something special, but we were simply teaching each other about life and love to prepare for the next one.
So, shall we now all stop bothering about the Before? Let's concentrate on the Now. On ME. The After.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
There is a reason why I spilt my milk this morning, but like the butterfly flapping it's wings in China, I'll only experience the repercussions of that act later. Maybe.
And so it is with this belief that I hold no resentment for Those Who Came Before. Had this person not been with one such as she, he might not have developed into this person whom I know today. In that same way, I suppose I was the One Before The One in my last relationship. I don't hold any grudges. Am I sad that it ended? I was.
Now? I believe that it wasn't meant to be and neither of us would have wanted to hold on to it for much longer. We had something special, but we were simply teaching each other about life and love to prepare for the next one.
So, shall we now all stop bothering about the Before? Let's concentrate on the Now. On ME. The After.
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